If I were to write a book...

I have a coworker who jokingly plans on writing a book after he retires from his current position.  He has so many stories of hilarious and/or frustrating interactions with other people, it would surely become a bestseller.

It seems that my job is an endless stream of randomness.  Often, the 5 of us in the office where I work get a good laugh out of the funny things that happen.  Like today, we were discussing a student who was trying to find the classrooms in our building.  She got directions to just go down the stairs and through the door.  A few minutes later, she returned and was all confused.  She said that the door we told her to go through was locked (which, based on the way the door is built, is impossible).  My boss, intrigued, asked the student to show her what she was talking about.  Turns out the student had actually found the door to the roof of the building.  This might not seem funny to you, but there are huge windows on these doors, and you can see a great view of downtown Salt Lake City, and the valley below.  You can also see a roof and other roof-related stuff, but nothing that remotely looks "classroom."  So, now that door has a somewhat tongue-in-cheek sign that says, "No exit--No emergency exit--This is a roof."  We joked that it needed a sign that reads "Gravity Testing Center."

Of course, my work stories aren't all like that.  There are times that crazy people call for a variety of reasons.  These can range from freaking out about some lights in the sky, freaking out about something they think fell from the sky, freaking out about how the CIA controls their life, or freaking out because someone in Idaho is attacking them with electromagnetic radiation (that one was actually kind of sad).  Now I hope you don't judge me harshly, but sometimes it's best (and fun) to pretend to be a physics professor.  This gets them off the phone quickly, though it's hilarious if they call back and ask for Dr. Merrill.  (That has happened).  Maybe that's how I should write my name on the front of my book.

I would also be sorely tempted to venture into advice/preaching territory, perhaps in the style of the "Chicken Soup" series, though it would probably turn out less professional and loving.  If caution was thrown aside, it would likely turn into a borderline hypocritical tirade about how sick I am of people not answering their phones, of people nearly killing me and other pedestrians in crosswalks, of people who chew loudly (to me, this is like fingernails on a chalkboard, and I usually have to leave the room), of people who don't listen, of people who are petty and other extremely frustrating things.  Certainly, I would include the value of being "trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent" and always hungry.

Now, I would be the most shocked person in the whole world if I sold more than 4 copies, but at least it would be good for a few laughs, right?